I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
