Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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