I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
