I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
