i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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