i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
