its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
