I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
