Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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