I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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