I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
