Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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