Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
