I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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