If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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