the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
