please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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