So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
