yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
