omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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