why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You need a sexual gate keeper
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
