god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
