So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
