a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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