you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
