happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
