I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They have beer where we have blood.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
