I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
