I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
