i'm signing you up for texting rehab
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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