In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
