She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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