Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
