just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
