if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
