its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
