I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
