I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
