my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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