OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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