Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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