I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
