and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
