Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
