; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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