She is in my trunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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