um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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