Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
