You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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