Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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