therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
