Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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