It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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