I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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