I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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